My brain seems to be pre-programmed to anticipate emptiness. I can be ecstatic and extremely happy that things are finally getting better and then Bam! - All hell breaks loose at the flick of a switch.
Where does trust go when it dies?
With you, I was more than royalty. You sheltered me from the imperfections of the world. We would just canoodle and laze in bed. You made me feel alive. It was just you and me; We could conquer anything.
But things happened.
We probably said things that were horrible that maybe made us imagine whether this was all some sort of grave mistake and that maybe this time it really is it. So many times, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes like a dam about crack but I turn away and pretend it was just something in my eye. Promised I wouldn't cry anymore, the pent up emotions just forces itself out like a baby in an expecting mother. You would look at me and whisper "I'm sorry","you still look cute when you cry". You would hold me and suddenly everything seems ok like the storm before the calm.
But it the morning, it's still raw; Like getting lost in a maze.
Where does trust go when it dies?
Does it just disappear, become a firefly and land on 2 different people where it starts it's own cycle?
My heart isn't broken. It just aches from the memories. Fragile as it is, it dies a slow death as it suffocates from the need to pretend like nothing happened.
But it still beats. Because with each beat i'm saying, I love you.
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First morning class in months. Major paranoia.
Nothing beats soggy fries.
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"You cry a little and wait for the sun to come out. It always does."
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